Playing the role of Adversarial Advocate, here are the Top 5 arguments against — Virginity Required for Marriage.

I have been thinking, studying and living this Thesis for 20 years. It all started when I myself asked God to show me “How” to take a wife. Where in the Scriptures are the Instructions for “How” to get married?

In my 20 years of thinking about this Question — I have encountered a variety of arguments against this Thesis. Most are pretty wild, so I won’t mention those, but some have been “common” and if I were trying to find a “Loop Hole” so to speak, these are what I would use —

1. Marriage is a Covenant. In other words, Marriage is a Covenant and then Sexual Intercourse consummates that Covenant. So, marriage does not happen in the Bed. My first Response would be to refer the reader to the Article — https://areyoumarried.wordpress.com/2024/02/07/biblical-marriage-and-the-erroneous-marriage-covenant/ — A few talking points. Those who justify their “marriage” with this argument, usually do not have an answer to the Question — “Ok, define or explain “the Covenant” i.e., HOW does one make one? Where are the Instructions/Guidelines in the Scriptures which explain and or outline the Parameters of such a Covenant of Marriage? The Answer(s) are always SUBJECTIVE. I have never had 2 people provide for me the same or identical instructions. Most will Quote Malachi 2:14-15. It is an interesting verse. But, this verse does NOT describe or define what exactly is the Covenant. So, we are back to square one — Where or What are the instructions and HOW does one make one? The most common answer is — a Covenant are Vows and a Witness is needed. God being the Witness in this particular passage. My Question has always been — “What did God Witness?” Did God witness a Ceremony with an Officiant, the Groom, the Bride, Vows and a Witness? The Scriptures do not say. So, now it becomes “Subjective” as to what God witnessed. Maybe the simple answer is — God witnessed the act of Sexual Intercourse.

The Verse Reads — Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.

The first question that should arise is — How did God make “them one”? Is this not a reference to Genesis 2:24 — “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Paul expands on this — “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not!  Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.“

How is this anything BUT Sexual Intercourse? It is as clear as day. Who in their right mind would first make a covenant with a harlot and then engage in sexual intercourse? “Two Become One Flesh” is Sexual Intercourse. Period.

The majority of Christendom believes Marriage is “Something” followed by sexual intercourse. The problem is that 2 men can’t get together and agree on the “Something”. “Marriage” is now a Man-made Tradition. Follow Man. Not — let us seek God’s Will i.e., His Natural Laws concerning Marriage.

Undeniable Fact — When a virgin girl has sexual intercourse with a man, the Scriptures say that she is now “known” by the man. The Scriptures say she is now “one flesh” with the man. The Two have now become One. How is this not God joining two into one? Which the Scriptures also say that this Union can only be severed by the death of the Man. Which makes much sense. The Two Become One – Literally. While the Man lives, his essence remains in the woman. He must die in order for the woman to be “released” from the man, so that she can become “one flesh” with a second man. Why Paul speaks to Virgin girls and Widowed women in 1 Corinthians 7.

Christendom says they know God better than God Himself. Let us decide when a man becomes a husband and a woman a wife. Let us decide when a “divorce” may occur and who can “remarry”. The whole Charade is one giant JOKE! Man plays God. Even appointing “officiants” who recite words — “… by the power vested in me I pronounce you ‘man and wife’….”. Who gave such a person this Power?

Modern Marriage is Man-made. Not God made.

2) Not Under Bondage — 1 Corinthians 7:15 — My first response is to refer one to this article — https://areyoumarried.wordpress.com/2011/05/09/not-under-bondage/

Bullet Points — the word rendered “bondage” (15) is the Greek term douloo, which means “to make a slave of.” Observe how the word is translated in Titus 2:3 – “enslaved to much wine.” Biblically speaking, marriage is never viewed as slavery! The “bondage,” i.e., enslavement, does not refer to the marriage union. Second — the Context of this passage starts in verse 10. Paul is speaking to those who are married. Verse 10 — “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.  But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.”  Verse 15 is still within the Context of verse 10 i.e., the same people Paul is addressing. Paul just said to the woman — remain unmarried. It would be contradictory for Paul to then say the woman is free to remarry two sentences later. That is not what he is saying. He is saying that a woman should not be forced to remain with her husband if he is an unbeliever or if she is in an abusive relationship. One Time, someone said to me that “unmarried” means unmarried in it’s literal sense. But that doesn’t make sense because Paul says to remain unmarried OR be reconciled. So, if we take “unmarried” literally, then Paul would have to say that if the woman be reconciled, she would have to get “married again”. “Unmarried” simply means — Remain Single, or be reconciled.

3) What about Forgiveness? — Forgiveness is possible. One just need ask. However, what is a man or a woman being “forgiven” of? A virgin man and a virgin woman who engage in Sexual Intercourse just married themselves together as One Flesh. This is a Righteous Act. The “One Flesh” union is not Sin. Nothing to be forgiven of. There is NO SUCH THING as “Born-again Virginity”. You can’t take back Virginity. When a girl becomes One Flesh with a man, they are One Flesh UNTIL the death of the Man occurs.

4) What about Grace? See #3. “Grace” for what? Does “Grace” overlook the act of Murder? Does Grace overlook the act of Adultery? Paul writes —

“….For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. ³ So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man...”.

This is God’s Natural Law(s) of Marriage/Divorce and Remarriage. It is as clear as day! There is NO exception for a woman to take a second husband while her first husband lives. The “exception” is for the man who takes a wife not a virgin — Deut 22:14. And a man can “put away” an unfaithful wife. But the two are still one flesh. And NO, if a man is unfaithful, this does not allow the woman to remarry. Nowhere in the Scriptures will you find this provision. Again, we are talking about “Natural Laws”. Not Legality. Or Paper Marriage drafted by Lawyers. One Flesh is a Natural Law that can only be severed by Death.

Lastly ….. ask yourself this Question — Why did not Jesus give “Grace” to the woman at the well? Why did not Jesus tell the woman at the well “How” to marry so that the current man that she was living with could be her “husband”? Why did Tamar rip apart her Robe of Virginity? Why did Tamar tell Amnon that “leaving” her was worse than raping her? Why did Tamar remain desolate in her brother’s house? Tamar was “one flesh” with a man who would not keep her as a wife. Tamar is now defiled. A woman can only be “one flesh” with ONE man at a time. There is not ONE example of a non-virgin woman having a husband and is considered righteous. Not one.

5) Ignorance. I was “ignorant” of God’s Natural Law. Ask yourself this Question — “What made you ‘married’ to your wife?” Or, “What made you ‘married’ to your husband?” The Vow or the Ceremony did NOT make you “married” as one flesh to your spouse. Ignorance — if you walk off a cliff, would you expect God to save you because you acted out of ignorance? If a baby crawls off a cliff, does God protect the toddler from the fall because the toddler did not understand gravity? Sexual Intercourse is a Natural Law. It has consequences that defy man’s will. The woman who takes a husband, while her first lover lives, is committing adultery every single act. God cannot overlook continual adultery. It goes against His Nature. Grace cannot Tolerate Sin.

Those are the Top 5 Excuses for why men and women don’t believe that only Virgin Girls and or Widowed Women can take or have a husband.

Allow me to expand on #1, which is the most commonly used arguments against “Marriage Happens in the Bed”.

The Covenant. Marriage is a Covenant. It is a Covenant between the man and the woman. When a woman allows a man to “go into her”, they just became married as One Flesh. Sexual Intercourse is Symbolic of a Covenant. Please read — https://areyoumarried.wordpress.com/2024/02/13/sex-two-become-one/

Excerpt — The main theme throughout the Bible is one of a covenant relationship between God and His people, leading to the ultimate covenant relationship between Christ and the Church through His shed blood on the cross. Chapter five of Ephesians shows us that the marriage relationship is symbolic of Christ’s relationship and covenant with the Church: “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (v. 31-32). The mystery of a man and woman becoming one flesh as a result of the “covenant” between them is a beautiful representation of the covenant Christ made with His Bride (the Church) by His blood shed on the cross.

The following passage in Deuteronomy shows the significance of the blood shed during a couple’s first intercourse. If there was no blood then their relationship was defiled and death was demanded, because this was evidence that the woman had already joined herself to another.

If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel’s virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel’s father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her; And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter’s virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. (Deut. 22:13-17)

The “tokens” of the woman’s virginity was the cloth the couple had laid on during their first intercourse to establish their union as husband and wife. If the woman was a virgin her hymen was intact when she entered the bridal chamber and was then cut by the penetration of her husband during their first intercourse. The cloth showed evidence of her virginity by absorbing the blood that resulted from her hymen being broken. Blood is part of the establishment of the covenant between a man and a woman. This is symbolic of the blood of Christ that establishes His covenant with us.

Malachi 2:14 refers to the “wife of thy covenant”. This word is the same word used for other covenants made throughout the Bible, including the covenant between God and man, and the covenant between Christ and the Church. Easton’s Bible Dictionary defines “covenant” as:

a contract or agreement between two parties. In the Old Testament the Hebrew word _berith_ is always thus translated. _Berith_ is derived from a root which means “to cut,” and hence a covenant is a “cutting,” with reference to the cutting or dividing of animals into two parts, and the contracting parties passing between them, in making a covenant (Gen. 15; Jer. 34:18, 19).

This seems to indicate that there is significant symbolism in the cutting of the virgin woman’s hymen during her first intercourse, representing the establishment of a covenant with her husband for life. (Please note that this is obviously a symbol of this covenant, and that if a woman’s hymen has already been torn by other means, or if she is a widow, the life-long covenant is still established.)

Even though intercourse is what initializes the act of becoming one, it is God that does the joining through this act. Intercourse is simply the catalyst, since the joining is an act of God and not an act of man, though man chooses whom he joins himself with and is therefore held responsible for the covenant he forms through this act. This act of God in making the couple one in conjunction with man’s physical act is part of the “mystery” of the one flesh relationship referred to in Ephesians 5:32. We cannot explain exactly what takes place in the spiritual realm as a result of the sexual act. It remains a mystery, just as our oneness with Christ as a result of His death and resurrection remains a mystery.

In summary — When a girl allows a man to “go into her”, she and he just agreed to become “One Flesh” together i.e., Joined together. Whether they are aware of this Natural Law, is not the fault of God. Man has failed the World.